We know what you’re thinking – listening to teenagers definitely doesn’t sound like part of your job description. But if you’ve ever worked with a team member who pushes boundaries, resists change, or exudes emotion and no logic, we’ve been there too.

All involve people seeking autonomy. All involve high emotion, mixed signals, and moments of misalignment. Yet these characteristics can be radically improved with one underrated tool: Active Listening™.

When practiced intentionally, Active Listening is just about building trust, diffusing tension, and strengthening alignment. Whether you’re dealing with a frustrated engineer or a skeptical client, how you listen can determine whether the conversation leads to buy-in or breakdown.

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^{Listening as a strategic skill (not just a soft one)}

When your teenager says, “you never understand me,” it’s rarely about the literal words. It’s about  feeling like you're not heard.

In the workplace, a similar dynamic can play out. Maybe a product lead might not be engaging with your ideas, or your wider team seems resistant to recent change in senior management. Or maybe you have a junior employee who withdraws instead of speaking up.

You can’t force collaboration, but you can create the conditions for it. And it all starts with how you show up to conversations.

Organizational psychology research shows that leaders who actively listen are perceived as more emotionally intelligent, more trustworthy, and more effective. This sounds a lot like good parenting, right? So in order to become better leaders, we need to capitalize on these transferable skills.

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^{Create psychological safety}

Teenagers open up in safe, low-pressure moments. Not during the emotional-equivalent of a performance review. The same goes for teams.

You might find that you get more out of a teenager in casual situations rather than a direct interrogation. Sit beside them in the car, not across the dinner table, and they suddenly start talking.

The same goes for the workspace. Casual side-channel check-ins, “how’s this landing with you so far?” often surface more rich and engaging conversation. Signal that you’re present – and not here to judge – by closing your laptop, putting down your phone, and letting silence do some of the work.

The best parent-teen conversations are probably not going to happen at 10PM after a meltdown. They  happen over time – in repeated, low-pressure moments. Strong workplace communication is the same. If the only time you really “listen” is during quarterly reviews or escalation calls, you’ve missed the point. These moments compound into trust and reliability, two of the most valuable leadership currencies in any org.

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^{Show interest in what matters to them}

A teen you know is ranting about a group chat drama. Your instinct is probably to tune out. But staying curious sends an important message: What matters to you matters to me.

The same rule applies to cross-functional colleagues. If you show zero curiosity about their roadmap pressures or customer blockers, don’t expect them to care about your priorities either. If you’re feeling shut out, try some open-ended questions to provoke them to open up: “What’s the biggest friction point you’re seeing on your side?” or “what do you think is getting missed in these discussions?”

Your concern will show that you care. Even when it’s not directly relevant to you, you might just find that this information is more valuable than you think.

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^{Validate first, solve later}

Parents are hardwired to be immediate problem-solvers. If a toddler is crying, then they might need to move fast for a snack before the situation turns into a full out tantrum. But teens don’t necessarily always want a solution. They want to feel heard.

In the workplace, when someone vents about a process or decision, resist the urge to immediately correct or advise. They might just need some time to speak, vocalize, and process their thoughts.

Letting someone share their perspective doesn’t automatically mean you have to agree with them, but it does mean you are acknowledging the emotional reality behind the statement. That validation opens the door to deeper dialogue, and makes it more likely they’ll actually hear your response.

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^{Listen to understand, not to win}

Whether you’re beside a teenager drowning in self-doubt or across from a colleague bracing against shifting priorities, the goal isn’t to control the conversation, it’s to connect through it. That takes High CQ (Communication Quotient)™ – the ability to read the room, recognize what's not being said, and respond in a way that builds clarity, empathy, and influence.

It’s about tuning into intent, emotion, and context. It's how you build trust without always agreeing. It's how you hold space for friction without shutting down. It’s how you signal, I’m with you, even when the path forward is uncertain.

High CQ leaders don’t listen to win. They listen to understand. To adjust. To influence. So next time someone comes in hot, defensive, dismissive, or just plain difficult - pause. Don’t push. Lean in with presence. Ask one more question. Let the silence breathe.

Because listening isn’t a soft skill. It’s a leadership move. And the higher your CQ, the more powerful that move becomes.