Listening to a teenager might not sound like part of your job description. But if you’ve ever worked with a team member pushing boundaries, a project partner resistant to change, or a stakeholder who’s all emotion and no logic — you’ve been there.

Parenting a teenager and leading in a tech org have more in common than you think. Both involve people seeking autonomy. Both involve high emotion, mixed signals, and moments of misalignment. And both can be radically improved by one underrated leadership tool: active listening.

When practiced intentionally, active listening isn’t just about hearing — it’s about building trust, diffusing tension, and strengthening alignment. Whether you’re dealing with a frustrated engineer or a skeptical client, how you listen can determine whether the conversation leads to buy-in… or breakdown.

‍

^{Listening as a strategic skill (not just a soft one)}

When your teenager says, “You never understand me,” it’s rarely about the literal words — it’s about the feeling of not being heard.In the workplace, the same dynamics play out: a product lead might not be engaging with your ideas, your wider team is resistant to change from senior management, maybe you have a junior employee who withdraws instead of speaking up.

You can’t force collaboration — but you can create the conditions for it. And it starts with how you show up to conversations.Research in organizational psychology and high-performance teams shows that leaders who actively listen are perceived as more emotionally intelligent, more trustworthy, and more effective. The same holds true in parenting. In order to become better leaders, there are some skills that we can learn from parents to teenagers.

‍

^{Create psychological safety}

Teenagers open up in safe, low-pressure moments — not during performance reviews (or their emotional equivalent). Same goes for teams.

You might find that you get more from a teenager in a casual situation rather than a direct interrogation. Sit beside them in the car, not across the dinner table, and they start talking.The same goes for the workspace: casual side-channel check-ins, “How’s this landing with you so far?” often surface more than formal stand-ups. Signal that you’re present and non-judgmental by closing your laptop, putting down your phone, and letting silence do some of the work.

The best parent-teen conversations don’t happen at 10pm during a meltdown — they happen over time, in repeated low-pressure moments. Strong workplace communication is the same. If the only time you really “listen” is during quarterly reviews or escalation calls, you’ve missed the point. These moments compound into trust and reliability: two of the most valuable leadership currencies in any org.

‍

^{Show interest in what matters to them — even when it’s not about you}

If a teen is ranting about a group chat drama, your instinct might be to tune out. But staying curious sends an important message: what matters to you matters to me.

The same rule applies to cross-functional colleagues. If you show zero curiosity about their roadmap pressures or customer blockers, don’t expect them to care about your priorities either. If you’re feeling shut out, try some open-ended questions to provoke them to open up: “What’s the biggest friction point you’re seeing on your side?” Or, “What do you think is getting missed in these discussions?”

Your concern will show that you care. Even when it’s not directly relevant to you, you might just find that this information is more valuable than you think.

‍

^{Validate first, solve later.}

Parents are problem-solvers, they learn to jump to quick solutions. If a toddler is crying, then they might need to move fast to get a snack or put them down for a nap before the situation turns into a full tantrum. But teens don’t want a solution — they want to feel heard.

In the workplace, when someone vents about a process or decision, resist the urge to immediately correct or advise, they might just need some time to speak, vocalize and process their thoughts. This doesn’t mean you agree — it means you acknowledge the emotional reality behind the statement. That validation opens the door to deeper dialogue — and makes it more likely they’ll actually hear your response.

‍

^{Listen to Understand, Not to Win}

Whether you’re sitting beside a teenager struggling with self-doubt or across from a colleague frustrated by shifting priorities, your job isn’t to have all the answers — it’s to be the kind of listener that earns trust and invites collaboration.

That doesn’t mean agreeing with everything. It means listening with enough presence and intention that people feel seen — and are more willing to work with you, not around you.So next time someone comes in hot — defensive, emotional, or shut down — don’t push back. Lean in. The most powerful move in that moment isn’t to win the argument.

It’s to listen like a leader.