In this exercise we’ll reflect on a current friction point with a colleague, partner, or team member and reframe it using developmental psychology-inspired leadership tools. It’s all about reducing resistance, building trust, and shifting the outcome in the process.

If you haven’t yet read our articles about negotiating with a toddler or listening to a teenager, now’s the time!

^{Step 1: Think of a recent or ongoing situation that’s causing tension or resistance.}

This could be with:

• A team member who won’t adapt to new processes
• A stakeholder pushing for unrealistic scope
• A peer who keeps going silent on deliverables
• Or… someone who just keeps saying “no” to your ideas

✍️  Briefly describe the situation. Who’s involved? What’s the sticking point? How does it make you feel?

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^{Step 2: Diagnose the toddler}

Now analyze this interaction through the lens of talking to a toddler and see if you can spot any patterns.

Ask yourself:

• Are they seeking control? (Toddler parallel: “I want to do it myself!”)
• Are they emotionally dysregulated? (Toddler parallel: MELTDOWN)
• Have I been too rigid (no choice), or too open (no structure)?
• Am I matching their intensity instead of modeling calm?


Then reflect:

✍️ What would change if I:

• Offered two clear choices within a structure?
• Stayed calm instead of reactive?
• Reinforced a positive behavior they did show?

📝  Write down one toddler-inspired shift you could try in this situation.



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^{Step 3: Understand the teenager}

Now view the same situation through they eyes of a teenager. This is someone who wants to be heard, validated, and respected – even when they’re resisting (and maybe wrong!).

Ask yourself:

• Have I validated their emotions, or simply skipped straight to logic?
• Might they feel ignored or micromanaged?
• Have I made space for them to express themselves?
• What might they be saying underneath the resistance?

Then try:

✍️  Reframing your team member's behavior as a signal of an unmet need.
Example: “Their constant objections aren’t about ego – it's about being left out of upstream decisions.”

Write a new way to open that conversation, using validation and reflective listening:

"Sounds like you’ve recently been raising concerns that haven’t been heard – is that fair to say?”

📝 Write down one teenager-inspired shift you could bring to this interaction.

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^{Step 4: Integrate and lead forward}

Now combine your toddler and teen insights into a leadership micro-strategy.

Use this structure:

✅ “Next time I interact with [person], I’ll...

• Set clear structure by…
• Model calm by…
• Validate their experience by…
• Invite participation by…”

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This is your new leadership plan. One conversation, reshaped by developmental wisdom and applied emotional intelligence. Start seeing these moments of tension as practice fields for influence, coaching, and connection.

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