Purpose:

‍To reflect on a current friction point with a colleague, partner, or team — and reframe it using developmental psychology-inspired leadership tools that reduce resistance, build trust, and shift outcomes.

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^{Step 1: Think of a recent or ongoing situation that’s causing tension or resistance.}

This could be with:

• A team member who won’t adapt to new processes
• A stakeholder pushing for unrealistic scope
• A peer who keeps going silent on deliverables
• Or… someone who just keeps saying “no” to your ideas


✍️  Briefly describe the situation. Who’s involved? What’s the sticking point? How does it make you feel?

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^{Step 2: Diagnose the Toddler}

Now analyze this interaction through a toddler lens — not to belittle the person, but to spot universal patterns.

Ask yourself:

• Are they seeking control? (Toddler parallel: “I want to do it myself!”)
• Are they emotionally dysregulated? (Toddler parallel: “MELTDOWN.”)
• Have I been too rigid (no choice), or too open (no structure)?
• Am I matching their intensity instead of modeling calm?


Then reflect:

✍️ What would change if I:

• Offered two clear choices within structure?
• Stayed calm instead of reactive?
• Reinforced a positive behavior they did show?


📝  Write down one toddler-inspired shift you could try in this situation.



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^{Step 3: Understand the Teenager}

Now view the same situation through a teenager lens — someone who wants to be heard, validated, and respected, even when they’re resisting.

Ask yourself:

• Have I validated their emotions, or skipped straight to logic?
• Might they feel ignored, micromanaged, or dismissed?
• Have I made space for them to express themselves?
• What might they be saying underneath the resistance?

Then try:

✍️  Reframe their behavior as a signal of an unmet need.
Example: “Their constant objections aren’t about ego — they’re about being left out of upstream decisions.”

Write a new way to open that conversation, using validation and reflective listening:

“Sounds like you’ve been raising concerns that haven’t really been heard — is that fair to say?”

📝 Write down one teenager-inspired shift you could bring to this interaction.

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^{Step 4: Integrate and Lead Forward}

Now combine your toddler and teen insights into a leadership micro-strategy.

Use this structure:

✅ “Next time I interact with [person], I’ll...

• Set clear structure by…
• Model calm by…
• Validate their experience by…
• Invite participation by…”

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This becomes your leadership plan — one conversation, reshaped by developmental wisdom and applied emotional intelligence. These moments of tension aren’t just problems — they’re practice fields for influence, coaching, and connection. Leadership begins with seeing others as human — even when they’re difficult

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